If you’re a fellow African, prepare to be irked beyond belief;
1. “Wait, If you’re from Africa, Why do you look white?”
Well Susan, you see, I spent too much time in the shade rather than chasing the lions and hyenas out of my compound.
2. “So you live close to the Lions right?”
Yes, we ride them to the market and keep them as pets. I own two, Mufasa and Simba; They sleep in my bedroom.
3. “Do you study under trees?”
Oh yes, it truly sucked when it started raining. Our books would get soaking wet and the mangoes would fall on our heads.
4. “Do you speak African?”
Yes, we all speak one universal African language and secretly plot the downfall of all our previous colonizers. Watch out.
5. “So everyone has AIDS over there right?”
Ok, no, but it is a huge problem that needs to be addressed. (No jokes there, AIDS shouldn’t be joked about.)
6. “So you all live in villages right?”
Villages? Oh. Oh. Does this look like a village to you?
(I don’t know who this Susan is but apparently I dislike her)
7. “What is your African family like”
African family? Wha? Be specific.
8. “Oh guess what, I’m going to Africa next summer!”
…. what part exactly? For the last time, Africa is not a country, it is A CONTINENT. IF YOU ARE GOING TO “Africa” YOU’D BETTER KNOW EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE GOING UNLESS YOU ARE PLANNING ON VISITING ALL 54 GODDAMN COUNTRIES SUSAN!
9. “So do you have internet in Africa?”
… Really? Ughhhh, I can’t even- moving on.
10. “Do you speak the Lion King language?”
??? What does that even mean?
No wait, you know what, I do. Hakuna Matata Shenzi. I was there when Rafiki did the thing to Simba.